I missed my opportunity to be a licensed practicing psychologist, but decades of failed life experiences may provide me with a touch of useful insight. I’m not the greatest of examples to follow regarding relationships, however it’s not something that I haven’t spent considerable amount of time pondering. There are some broken relationships that merit an effort to repair. No doubt, there are some relationships that may not be significant enough to expend a great deal of exertion on in order to keep them glued together. However, I’m not interested in dealing with this latter type now.
This is going to be a short address of some elements that I believe are critical in salvaging a broken relationship worth the effort to save. This will not likely cover everything, nor be customized to fit all circumstances, but it’s enough to at least maybe get things moving in the right direction for any who might benefit from these thoughts.
My guess is that most struggling relationships have an element of “BAGGAGE” weighing down the participants. Perhaps the first step is to recognize that there is baggage, and in one form or another the baggage must be dealt with in such a manner as to remove it from blocking the space that exists in between the designated actors. Maybe easier said than done, but as long as it is allowed to invade the space between people, progress will not be made.
What might be the ingredient that can actually kick-start the removal of the baggage? There needs to be an agreement from all those impacted to have an “INTENTION” to have the baggage moved off to, at least, the side. So, intention is a critical piece in fixing that which is broken. If all the contributing parties are not on board with “intention,” there is no hope that a one-sided approach can ever accomplish restoration. Complimentary to the decision to “intentionally” repair the relationship, is an equally difficult element that has been identified by an extensive historical model of wisdom. “FORGIVENESS” is the height of spiritual maturity, and thus why it’s so elusive in our dealings with others. But, guess what? Without forgiveness, there can never be any healing.
And a contributing factor to lasting forgiveness is the minimization of “EXPECTATIONS.” It is not uncommon to hold others to a high standard of behavior in any important relationship. But it is time to get real. People are often a disappointment to one’s expectations. That’s a fact. Incorporate that into expectations, and disappointments will be softened and less likely to cause an unbearable rift between two struggling souls. Is the value of a significant relationship really of such a low level as to disallow for another to live up fully to one’s expectations? All struggle to live according to our ideals, but a generous spirit toward someone who is important to one’s life is a small price to pay in order to save a tenuous bond. This is not to say one should not respond to abuse, but is it really abuse or just being human?
There’s much more that can be said regarding the repairing of broken relationships, but this could be a starting point for any relationship that one deems to be worth saving. “LOVE” is a simple word, but the actual experience of it becomes a truly complex series of interactions that will not always work out the way we hope. The question to be asked when it comes to relationships is whether or not the “VALUE” of such a relationship is worth committing oneself to some very straight forward, though challenging, elements that can help it from fraying completely into shreds. If it’s worth it, don’t regret not having put forth an effort to maintain it. If it’s not worth it, then perhaps efforts should be redirected toward a new one, or maybe just settle for the practice of investing time in sulking.
Jesus and America 